Alfred Hitchcock once said “TV has brought murder back into the home where it belongs.” Say what you want about the Master of Suspense and his darkly comedic views, but the man was clearly onto something. Back in the day, when horror usually involved a werewolf or a blood-sucking Romanian, Hitchcock was notorious for bringing the homicidal to the home front. Who could forget the seminal film Psycho where Norman Bates stalked his terrified prey wielding a knife and his mother’s clothing? Hitchcock’s notion of bringing the horror home would live on in the likes of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th and many others – portraying homicidal houseguests that knew exactly how to hit us where we live.
Ever think about it? Ever wonder just what you would do if a murderer decided to make a house call? Thankfully, there is no shortage of horror films on TV and in theatres depicting this very scenario. Indeed, we can all learn a lot from where the victims of Leatherface, Jason and Freddy have failed.
Below is a list of some less-than-ideal hiding spots for the victims of the homicidal:
Bed
The Purge (2013)
Whether it’s in or under, the bed is a bad idea, PERIOD. You’re not fooling anyone by pulling the covers over your face. All any dedicated killer needs to do is crane their necks ever so slightly or just bend at the waist to get a good look at you hiding underneath the bed. In Friday the 13th Part 2, Ginny, our protagonist, tried to hide under the bed and only survived through sheer dumb luck.
Closet
Psycho (1960)
A nice confined space that you can stand in to wait out the stalker might seem secure, but it’s quite the opposite. When the murderer is done rifling through your bed covers, they’re going to turn to the clothes closet and if you’re in there, you’re stuck with nowhere to run. Bathrooms, though not the same as closets, should be avoided for the same reason.
Treehouse
Say you make it out of the house and you make a break for the treehouse. You get out there, you scurry up the rope ladder and you just hope that the killer didn’t hear or see you. The problem you have now is that you’re in a conspicuous, wooden box in a tree. And don’t think pulling the rope ladder up will do you any good – if it’s Leatherface, he’ll just get to work faster than you can say “TIMBER!”
Roof
Vertigo (1958)
Depending on your level of acrophobia, the size of your roof and the number of killers chasing you, this could either be the best or worst place to hide. On the roof, again, you’re restricted – especially if you’re several stories up. However, so is your pursuer and you might even be able to use the height to your advantage and turn the tables…or fall clumsily to your bone-snapping death.
Basement
The basement is probably the last place you want to be when a killer comes knocking. Not only are you even more restrained than before, but now you’re in a very obscure location where the killer can really cut loose.
Ideally, you don’t even want to stick around in the house – not if you can help it. The less your movement is constrained, the less chance you have of being cornered. That’s something the Hollywood heroes and heroines of gore never truly realized. Not to mention being outdoors improves your chances of survival exponentially because, unlike the classic characters of trope-filled horror, you’ll likely have something they didn’t – smartphone service.
AUTHOR: Adrian Rawlings; @adrianrawlings2
BIO: Adrian Rawlings is a TV and horror blogger. Look to him for the scoop on hit movies and TV shows, horror films, tech reviews, how-to guides, and more.
